A Shell of Who She Was
by emme.jade
Summary: Emily Prentiss is struggling to settle back into her old life when she finds herself romantically involved with not one, but two of her team members. Unable to choose, she's forced to hide them from each other while she fights to figure out her feelings. Possible M rating in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Emily paused, her back pressed firmly against the cold wall, closing her eyes briefly, just long enough to quiet her pulse. The local agent she'd been paired with stood to her right, his panicked breathing too loud for her comfort. Not that anything about the situation was comfortable. Swallowing hard, she counted to three before darting around the corner, gun poised and ready to fire. The empty room made her uneasy as she moved swiftly forward, hearing the young agent stumbling behind her. He was just a kid. She couldn't be angry at him for his inexperience. She could be angry that she'd been sent out to possibly face two psychopaths with only a child to back her up. A shot echoed in her ears and she turned, just in time to see the kid slump to the ground in a crumpled heap. In the doorway she'd stood in moments before were two men. The unsubs. In front of them stood the missing girl they'd been searching for. One held a gun to her head and the other pointed his gun directly at Emily. They ordered her to take her vest off and drop her gun. She complied. With her hands raised, Emily attempted to soothe the men as she dropped to her knees. The girl begged for Emily, twisting away from the men and running forward. Another shot rang out, but the girl didn't fall. Instead, pain exploded in Emily's stomach as she felt herself hit the cold floor. A mix of sharp pain and soothing warmth spread from the single point in her abdomen as her vision clouded, black spots appearing and soon consuming her vision. As one of the men appeared over her, a third shot exploded in her chest, just beneath her right collar bone._ _She fought the cold darkness that tried to overtake her, but soon felt herself sinking into it, the man above her fading into complete darkness._

* * *

"Emily? Ms. Prentiss?" an unknown male voice drug her out of her darkness as her eyes flew open. The bright light above her made her cringe, issuing a strong protest from her abdomen. Blinking, she managed to focus on the man beside her. He wore blue scrubs and held a clipboard. A nurse. Looking down at herself, she internally groaned at the hospital gown she wore. "You're in the hospital Ms. Prentiss... how are you feeling?"

Emily opened her mouth but no sound came out. The throbbing pain in her stomach was annoying to say the least. She felt the throb in her entire body, though it was concentrated just below her right breast. Forcing a deep breath despite the pain, she tried again:

"Agent. Agent Prentiss. When can I go home?"

She didn't understand why the nurse laughed, and her confusion must have shown on her face:

"Your supervisor warned me you were stubborn." He paused to look at his clipboard before continuing, "You can go home in a few moments, once your papers are signed. That is, if you have someone to stay with you." Before she had a change to object, a different voice spoke from the doorway.

"She's got six people to keep her in line." Aaron Hotchner moved into the room, carrying a black duffle bag.

The nurse nodded to Hotch before turning his attention back to Emily.

"You'll need 24 hour supervision for the first week. Total bedrest. The most strenuous activity you can do is sitting upright. The bandage on your stomach needs to be changed before bed and after breakfast in the morning. The one on your shoulder shouldn't need to be changed, unless it bothers you. Your arm needs to stay in the sling for the first week, and then you can use it as long as it stays below your heart. If there's any discharge from your shoulder, come into the emergency room. As far as bathing goes, you can't stand on your own to shower and neither of your injuries can be submerged in water. I'll leave it up to you to figure out how to meet those requirements." Pausing, the nurse looked between Hotch and Emily before continuing, "You can call tomorrow to make a follow up appointment. You'll need one in about a week and a half. If you feel anything pull in your stomach, come in. I'll be back in a minute with these papers. You can go ahead and get dressed." With that, he disappeared through the doorway, pulling the door closed behind him.

"We've fought with them for two days to get power over your medical records. You never redid your power of attorney directive after you were resurrected and they tried to reach out to your mother for power of attorney. I've been on the phone for two days straight. If you still want me as your power of attorney, we need to get that redone as soon as possible."

Emily bit on her lip to keep herself from grumbling her frustration, but nodded her agreement. The dark circles under Hotch's eyes validated his stress and lack of sleep, as did the forward slump of his normally perfect posture.

"JJ went to your apartment and brought you some clothes... They had to cut your other clothing off. Here." Pulling a small pile of clothing out of the bag, he sat her clothes gently in her lap and moved towards the door, "I'll wait outside. Let me know if you need help."

"Thanks. I think I can manage."


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch eased his SUV to a stop in front of Emily's brick apartment building and killed the engine. Unbuckling her seat belt with her good arm, Emily reached for the door handle. Hotch's voice made her stop.

"Can we establish now that you aren't going to make this more difficult? I'm going to have to carry you to your apartment. You heard the nurse. No walking today. Your discharge papers say you can try walking a little bit tomorrow, with assistance. I don't want to fight you on this." he spoke quietly, his dark eyes focused on her pale face. Irritated, she nodded, knowing arguing with the man was pointless. Stepping out of the car, Aaron went first to the trunk, where he lifted his worn out go bag from the trunk and slung it over his shoulder. She opened her door and slowly scooted around, bracing herself against the console as her long legs dangled out the door.

"Emily." Hotch scolded her as he shut the trunk and appeared in front of her almost immediately. His voice was tight and left no room for objections. As much as she wanted to argue with him, her stomach screamed in pain from the movement, telling her he was right.

"Let's just get this over with." Grumbling, Emily took a deep breath and held her good hand against injured abdomen as Hotch carefully lifted her off of the leather seat, cradling her injured body against his chest.

"Fuck..." Emily's curse came out as more of a gasp as both of her injuries throbbed loudly. Hearing her protest, he readjusted the brunette slightly, taking most of her weight in his right arm, his left simply supporting her legs. Emily nodded, breathing again when her injuries relaxed. Pushing the door closed, he moved quickly through the large wooden door and up the creaking metal stairs to her apartment, pausing outside the door to fumble with her keys.

"Here... let me." Laughing slightly, careful not to aggravate her injuries, Emily took her keys in her good hand and slipped the key into the look, pushing the door open. The familiar tan walls and large glass window comforted Emily. She was home. The sun was setting, and the city's lights were beginning to come on outside the window.

"Is there anything you need me to help you do?" Hotch carefully moved up the stairs, carrying the pale woman into her bedroom and carefully lowering her onto her bed.

"I don't think so. I can change on my own. I guess I'll see you after work tomorrow?" Slowly pushing herself into a sitting position, Emily picked up her pajamas from where she'd discarded them days earlier.

"I'm staying with you, Prentiss. Our whole team is off for the rest of the week, pending an investigation."

"Wait, what? An investigation? Because of me? You're staying here? What about Jack?" frowning, Emily sat forward, running a hand through her dark silky hair.

"Emily? It's alright. They're investigating Morgan and I. We both gave the go ahead for you to go out with that officer when we shouldn't have. Everything will be fine. Jack had a sleep over with his friend tonight anyway." He offered her a rare smile, trying to reassure her. He could clearly see the worry on her normally calm face, "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

"Alright..." She spoke quietly, barely loud enough for him to hear as he closed the door behind him. Sighing to herself, Emily carefully unfastened her sling and laid it on her pillow, keeping her arm in place. She pulled her good arm free from the sweater and slipping it over her head and off of her bad arm. The cool air hit her bare skin sharply, forcing a shiver from her muscular frame. The movement was followed by sharp protests from both her chest and her stomach, causing her to still immediately. She moved slowly, consciously trying to isolate her movements as she fumbled with the clasp of her bra with her good arm. Letting it fall, Emily carefully slipped the strap off of her bad shoulder and cast it aside. Looking down at her bandaged body briefly, Emily shook the negative thoughts that pressed against her. Two more scars she'd have to explain to the next man in her bed. Two more permanent reminders of pain. But what were two more? She'd already lost count. Turning her attention back to the clothing in front of her, Emily struggled with a sports bra, yelping in pain when the elastic pressed against the wound on her chest as she tried to tug it on. Pain blurred her vision as she desperately pulled it into place. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she swallowed the sobs that threatened her. Crying would only stress her body further and result in more pain. Hurriedly, she pulled a tank top over her torso and kicked her jeans off. Carefully reattaching her sling, Emily secured sweatpants over herself and carefully laid back, the muscles in her abdomen complaining. She pulled a nearby blanket over her and brought her knees into her chest, just as far as her injuries would allow. Within moments, Emily felt her eyelids growing heavy and let them shut. The warmth of the blanket was soothing and she soon found herself giving in to sleep, sinking slowly into its warmth.


	3. Chapter 3

Aaron sat bolt upright, noise from upstairs jarring him from his sleep. Disoriented at first, he looked down at the couch he sat on. Emily's couch. He was on Emily's couch in Emily's living room in Emily's apartment. The noise from upstairs was Emily. Running up the stairs, Hotch pushed Emily's door open and squinted through the darkness. She laid in the center of her bed, her body contorted at unnatural angles. Her whimpers were mostly unintelligible murmurs, only the random word making itself known. Her shoulders arched off the bed sharply as a scream tore through her.

"Emily. Emily, wake up." Crossing the room in a few steps, Hotch gently but forcefully pressed her body back against the mattress, using her good shoulder to keep her there. The brunette twisted against his hands, fighting consciousness.

"Farò meglio. Mi dispiace." Pleading with him, her tone was fearful, tears rushing down her face as her cold fingers grasped at Hotch's arm. He could read the pain on her face and carefully used his free hand to wipe a few of the tears off her face.

"Emily, calm down. It's Aaron. You're safe. I need you to breathe." He knelt on the bed beside her, keeping one hand securely on her shoulder and using the other to reach for the lamp.

"Ti prego di perdonarmi, il mio amore." Her eyes were open, but unfocused, as if she was looking straight through him. She struggled against him, gasping for breath through her tears. Clicking on the light, Aaron watched as her pale body stilled and she blinked slowly, her brown eyes slowly focusing on his.

"Aaron..." She choked out his name quietly as she tried to turn away, not wanting him to see her cry.

"It's alright." Carefully, he slid his arm underneath her and pulled her against him as sobs overtook her. Her small frame shook and her good arm wrapped around his shoulder, clinging to him. The two stayed that way for a few minutes, not a sound other than Emily's gasps for breath. Slowly, she stilled. His presence comforted her against the memories that had flooded her brain. Ian was dead, but he still haunted her. He'd never be able to physically hurt her again, but that didn't mean he didn't hurt her every night, every time she closed her eyes. Hotch's rubbed her back carefully, trying to comfort her without making her uncomfortable. Suddenly self conscious, Emily pulled away, scooting back despite the protest of her injuries.

"Hotch... I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Her pale face blushed red as she looked away, wiping her tears away quickly.

"It's alright. Are you okay?" Sitting beside her, Hotch carefully brushed her tangled hair back from her face. He could see she was still shaking and her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"I think so. I don't know. I should probably check." Blushing deeper, Emily fingered the bandage on her chest.

"I'll help you. You're not supposed to take any more painkillers until morning, though. Are you in too much pain?" He glanced at the clock on her nightstand. 2:27 am. "You've got a few more hours to go."

"I'm alright, I think."

Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Aaron looked down at her tank top clad torso. Reading his mind, Emily swallowed hard before pulling the fabric up to her breast, uncovering her pale stomach and the bandage that covered her injury. He made note of the various scars on her stomach as he gently undid the bandage over her. The skin surrounding her injury was red, but, much to his relief, she hadn't pulled anything and her had stitches held. Inches away from the small bundle of stitches, he noticed the freshest scar, where she'd had a table leg pierce her muscular body nearly a year ago.

"It's irritated, but everything held." Glancing up at her face, he noticed her discomfort and quickly replaced her bandage and pulled her shirt back into place.

"I'm glad. I don't think anything hurts that didn't hurt before." Using her good arm, Emily pushed the straps of her sports bra and tank top off her shoulder, careful to only uncover herself enough for him to check underneath the bandage. Much to his relief, the skin was only irritated. Once she'd replaced everything, he stood awkwardly beside her bed.

"Would it be alright if I stayed with you?" He knew she'd never ask or even agree that she wanted him there. In her eyes, that would be showing him weakness. But he could also see she was clearly shaken up and didn't want to test their luck by letting her body contort like that again if she had another nightmare. Much to her surprise, she did acknowledge wanting him there:

"I'd like that."

With that, he carefully pulled the sheet out from under her and covered her small form before moving around the bed and laying beside her. He watched her as she shifted onto her side, facing him, and curled up against his arm. It wasn't long before her breathing deepened and he realized she was asleep. Her warmth beside him was nice against the cold of her apartment, and he soon found himself falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Emily slept the rest of the night without a nightmare. It was the first time she'd slept peacefully in over a year. Groaning, she snuggled closer to the man beside her when her injuries woke her up, demanding more pain medication. Maybe she could go a bit longer without taking the medication. She was warm. She was safe. She was comfortable. Readjusting slightly, she wrapped her arm around the man's stomach and curled her body closer, letting herself slip back into sleep.

Yawning and rubbing his face, Hotch opened his eyes. Emily's movement had woken him, and - looking down - he saw the brunette woman curled up next to him, her head on his chest and her arm wrapped around his lower torso. His other arm was wrapped around her, his hand on her hip. Clearly, they'd shifted during the night. Unsure of how to proceed, he slowly moved his arm off of her and tried to slide away, but the pale woman frowned in her sleep and tightened her arm around him.

"I guess you're comfortable." He whispered, more to himself than the sleeping woman, as he moved back to his previous position, his arm wrapping back around her.

He stayed that way for a while, 39 minutes according to the clock on the nightstand, before deciding it was time to wake her. She'd been due for medicine an hour earlier and he didn't want her experiencing the full pain of her injuries.

"Prentiss? Emily, wake up." As he spoke, he rubbed her bicep gently, trying to wake her without startling her.

Emily squirmed slightly, drifting in and out of consciousness. Blinking hard, she forced her eyes to focus and yawned, stretching as far as her injuries would allow.

"Good morning." Hotch's voice startled her and she looked up to meet her supervisor's brown eyes. It was then she realized that her pillow wasn't a pillow, but Hotch's chest. His arm was around her and she was curled against his side.

"A-Aaron." Quickly sitting up, Emily tried to move back but the stabbing pain in her stomach froze her and took her breath, causing her to double over and cry out.

"Prentiss, be careful." He moved quickly, one hand catching her good elbow and the other around her waist. "Emily, I need you to calm down. I can go get you medicine for the pain, but first you have to breathe and calm down."

Emily nodded, trying to speak but unable to get any words out.

"You shouldn't be doubled over like that. Here... Sit on the side of the bed." Cautiously, he pulled the brunette forward so she could dangle her legs off the edge of the bed. Emily nodded slowly, trying to steady her heart beat.

"Can I have a pain killer?" The screaming pain in her stomach refused to lessen and her raised heart rate made her chest throb loudly in her ears.

"Yes. Stay put, Emily. Don't do anything stupid." With that, Aaron jogged down the stairs to where he'd left her various pill bottles. Two painkillers. One antibiotic. He found a bottle of water in her refrigerator and hurried back to her.

"Shouldn't you be picking up Jack?" the words were out of her mouth the moment he stepped through the doorway. He heard the cold in her voice and saw her rigid posture.

"Jessica's picking him up at 10." Crossing the room, Aaron handed her the medication and water. Her dark eyes moved around her bedroom, landing on the bookshelf in the corner, a photo on her dresser, but never on Hotch. Using the water, Emily swallowed her medication and slowly laid back down.

"There's a bathroom downstairs, under the stairs, if you want to shower before you go." Turning her back on Hotch, the brunette woman pulled the sheet back over her and closed her eyes, effectively ending any and all conversation. Jaw clenched in frustration, Aaron turned and moved downstairs, his anger and frustration threatening to bubble over. Dropping down on the couch in Emily's living room, he pulled out his phone and dialed the fourth speed dial. The phone rang one, two, three, four times before a familiar voice picked up.

"Hey, Hotch. How is she?" JJ's normally bubbly voice was duller than usual and he heard a screaming Henry in the background.

"Stubborn, as usual. She's mad at me and made it clear she wants me gone. Everything okay with Henry?" The older man ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly.

"He had a play date that cancelled and didn't take his nap yesterday. What happened? Do you want me to come over? The rest of the team had planned to come for dinner. Rossi was going to bring ingredients to cook. I can come now if you want and relieve you?" He'd hoped she'd offer that.

"That would be nice. If you bring Henry, I can take him with me to pick up Jack and I'll take them to lunch."

"That would be incredible. I need a break. I'll be over in about 30 minutes."

"Thanks, JJ." Hotch flipped his phone shut and laid back against the couch, letting his eyes close briefly. Emily was one of his closest, if not the closest, friends he had, but she knew just what buttons to push. He'd never been able to understand when she was so hot and cold with him, and that just irritated him more. Heaving a heavy sigh, Aaron shook his head and picked up his go bag, heating for the bathroom. Hopefully JJ could figure the this out.

* * *

 **A/N: Life is picking up, so I probably won't be able to update as often. Reviews are great motivation and I really appreciate any/all feedback.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello?" JJ stepped through the door into Emily's apartment, Henry holding her hand tightly. Hotch appeared around the corner, wearing a blue button up shirt and jeans. Closing the door behind her, JJ let go of Henry's hand as the small blonde boy ran forward to hug the man's waist.

"Henry, why don't you go check on Aunt Emily while I talk to Hotch?" JJ moved into her best friend's kitchen where she sat her purse on the bar, "Be careful, baby. Aunt Emily doesn't feel good. Stay off the bed." The blonde woman yelled after her son, running a hand through her wavy blonde hair. Henry's tennis shoes slapped loudly against the stairs as he ran, alerting Emily to her incoming visitor. The brunette managed to push herself up onto her good elbow just as the small blonde boy pushed the door open a few inches and poked his head in.

"Hey, buddy. It's alright. You can come in." As soon as the words were out of Emily's mouth, Henry ran forward, stopping at the edge of her bed and peering curiously at the bandage he'd spotted on her shoulder.

"Aunt Emily? Are you hurt?" his big blue eyes blinked up at her sadly as he pointed at her shoulder. She offered him a small smile and slowly used her arm to push herself into a sitting position.

"I'll be alright, buddy. How's life, kiddo?" the brunette patted the bed beside her and held her good arm out to help the boy up. He hesitated:

"Mommy said I'm not supposed to get up there..." He peeked over his shoulder nervously before he looked back at the pale brunette in front of him.

"It's alright. I'll talk to her. You can sit with me." She carefully leaned over a few inches, just far enough to wrap her arm underneath his armpit and help him clamber into bed with her. She waited for him to sit down, tucked into her side, before she continued, "I haven't seen you in almost a month, buddy. Catch me up?"

He smiled up at her and nodded quickly. He loved his aunt and it showed on his face, bringing a smile to Emily's face. Her fingers toying with his shaggy hair, the brunette smiled down at him as he quickly launched into a day-by-day recount of his life since she'd last seen him.

* * *

"What the hell is going on, Hotch?" Hearing her son disappear into Emily's room upstairs, JJ turned, leaning against Emily's kitchen counter, frowning at her boss.

"She had a nightmare last night and woke me up. She was screaming and tossing and turning. I didn't want to leave her on her own again, in case she had another one. I don't know how she didn't pull any of her stitches, but I didn't want to give her another opportunity. She said it was alright if I slept upstairs. Everything was fine and she slept all night, but when I woke up she'd moved a lot closer. I tried to move away, but she was still asleep and she didn't want to let go of me. When I woke her up, she panicked." He ran his hand through his dark hair, still damp from his shower, and closed his eyes as he laid everything out there, "I got her some medicine and when I came back she had her wall back up. She asked when I was leaving and told me I could shower before I did. I can't fight with her, Jennifer. Not on this. I don't understand why she freaks out every time she gets within ten feet of me, but she has to stop. She's hurt and there are nights over the next two weeks that I'm the only one who can stay with her."

"Whoa, slow down! Hotch! It's alright. I'll talk to her. Just relax. I've got to get her ready for the rest of the team to come over tonight, and then I'll sit her down and talk to her." The small blonde offered the older man a sad smile, "We'll figure this out."

The older man slowly nodded, trying to focus on the small blonde woman in front of him.

"Now take Henry and get out of here. I'll help her get cleaned up and ready for later and then I'll straighten this out. It'll all be okay." JJ's smiled reassured him somewhat. She would talk to Emily. Emily would listen to her. Right?

* * *

 **Five Hours Later...**

Emily sat in an arm chair in her living room, a warm mug in her hand. Her black hair hung damp around her shoulders and she fidgeted with the high neck of her red sweater. Swirling the tea in her mug, the pale woman glanced up when her blonde friend moved closer, perching on Emily's wooden coffee table.

"We need to talk, Em." JJ's voice was quiet, only barely audible, as her clear blue eyes looked sadly at her injured friend. Emily's eyebrows raised, but the brunette said nothing. Sighing, JJ continued, "What's going on with you and Hotch?"

"So that's what you've been hiding." Readjusting the sling on her shoulder, Emily shook her head, clearly uncomfortable, "What is there to talk about?"

"Why'd you all but kick him out, Emily? You know what I'm talking about. You're not the only one who can profile." Resting her elbows on her knees, JJ leaned forward, watching her best friend intently.

"I don't know, Jay. Okay? I don't know. He was so close, and I panicked. It's fine." Looking out the large glass pane, Emily watched the darkening sky.

"You do know." The blonde woman continued to stare at her friend, unmoving.

"Don't push me, JJ." Emily's voice hardened and she looked back at her blonde friend, her brown eyes black.

"Then don't lie to me, Emily. I'm not afraid of you." Unfazed, the blonde glared back at her friend. Emily stood her ground for a few long seconds before looking down, her shoulders slouching forward.

"Please, JJ. Don't." her voice was quiet, broken. It tugged at JJ's heart, but she continued to press:

"Tell me, Emily."

"He was so close, Jay. And I liked it. I didn't know it was him. But I liked being there with him." Emily began to cry now. She knew her medication was making her weak, but she was humiliated nonetheless. She could feel JJ continuing to stare at her, so she swallowed hard and forced herself to continue, "I'm an independent woman. This whole situation is humiliating enough to begin with. And then that... he's my boss. Anyone else and I wouldn't have freaked out. But he's my boss, JJ."

JJ moved to sit on the arm of Emily's chair and wrapped her arms around her brunette friend, comforting her quietly. She knew Emily hated feeling vulnerable. Everyone knew that. She also knew Emily's situation with Ian Doyle had made her feel exposed. Someone who had been so uptight and closed off for so long had suddenly had her entire life blown open. JJ couldn't blame her friend for wanting to feel independent; however, she could blame her for taking it out on people.

"I know you're feeling down, Em. But you can't push us away. We're your family and we're not going anywhere. No matter how hard you push." JJ sat with her pale friend until the tears subsided.

"Can we not mention this to anyone?" Sniffling, Emily looked away and wiped the tears from her face.

"If you'll apologize to Hotch, we can forget this conversation ever happened."

Emily nodded slowly. She could do that.

* * *

 **A/N: I realize this story has been mainly Emily/Hotch so far, but now that things are set up, the story will be true to its summary. Don't forget to drop me a review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**6:00 pm**

"Everyone's downstairs." Spencer Reid's voice startled her, causing her to jump and turn quickly. Her stomach protested the movement and caused Emily to cry out, doubling over with her good hand clutching at the source of the pain.

"Emily?" Running to her side, JJ carefully sat beside the pained brunette, her hand resting on her back. Spencer timidly crouched on the other side of Emily, hazel eyes looking up at his friend timidly.

"I'm fine." Emily's pained tone didn't go unnoticed by Spencer as she tried to push herself into a standing position.

"E-Emily, be careful!" his long bony fingers found the bicep of her good arm and her opposite hip. The brunette started slightly, beginning to twist out of the agent's grasp.

"Emily. Accept the help." JJ's breath was hot against Emily's ear, chiding too softly for Spencer to overhear, as the blonde gently pressed her hand against the small of Emily's back. Swallowing hard, Emily nodded nearly imperceptibly and relaxed slightly into Spencer's grip. Frowning slightly at his colleagues' unnatural interaction, he slowly pulled her up from her perch on the side of the bed. Her body protested and she understood why her doctor had advised against walking.

"Here... try this." Hearing Emily's quiet groan of pain, JJ moved forward, wrapping the brunette's good arm around her shoulder and taking some of Emily's weight. The pale brunette appreciated the help and moved towards the door slowly, offering Spencer a comforting smile when she noticed his uneasiness. The tall lanky man moved quickly towards the door, pushing it all the way open. Emily heard the rest of her team laughing and talking downstairs, smiling softly. They'd been worried about her and, when the doctor hadn't let them all see her in the hospital, they'd come up with this. Rossi would make dinner in Emily's kitchen and the team could get their Emily-fix. Pausing atop the stairs, Emily looked between JJ and Spencer and down at the stairs.

Taking a careful step, Emily grunted in pain and froze, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Emily? Uhm I think maybe it might just be better if someone carried you down." His raised eyebrows and the innocent suggestion made Emily smile softly. "I uhm... I could do it."

"Spencer... I can walk. I'll be alright." She offered him a small smile and closed her eyes briefly, preparing herself for another step.

"Spence is right, Emily. Why don't you let him carry you? Just to the bottom of the stairs." JJ phrased it as a question, but with a quick glance at her face, Emily knew it was a statement. One she was supposed to agree with. Setting her jaw, Emily nodded, her brown eyes searching the lanky man's face.

"I can do it. I'm stronger than I look." His mouth twisted into a half smile and he opened his arms for his friend. The blonde slipped out from under Emily's arm slowly as Spencer took her place, crouched slightly to Emily's smaller height.

"Hey, there." Spencer smiled and breathed a small laugh, carefully securing his arm around the brunette's waist, making sure to keep his arm low enough to avoid her stomach.

"Whoa there, Dr. Reid. Watch yourself." Feeling his hand settle on her ass, she pulled forward, laughing at the shocked expression on the younger man's face. She knew it'd been an accident and he'd never do it consciously, but she was feeling a little less pained and took the opportunity to toy with him.

"O-oh, I - Emily - I'm sorry, it- I-" he stammered, his face quickly fading from it's normal paleness to bright red. Doubling over in laughter, JJ clung to the rail for support as she cackled, tears forming in her eyes. The commotion drew the attention of the rest of the team and Emily saw Derek, Penelope, Aaron, and David appear at the bottom of the stairs. Her laughter hurt her stomach, but she couldn't stop, her hand coming to hold the injured flesh through her shirt.

"Everything alright?" Rossi's voice floated up the stairs, only barely audible over JJ and Emily's laughter.

"Spence's putting the moves on Emily." JJ cried, tears rolling town her face as she laughed. Puzzled expressions spread over the rest of their team's faces until they noted Spencer's arm, now hovering 6 inches away from Emily's ass. Penelope giggled. Rossi laughed.

"Subtle, pretty boy." Chuckling, Derek shook his head and moved back into Emily's living room, pulling Garcia with him. Rossi cautiously followed the two, noticing his partner's face. Aaron wasn't laughing, or even smiling.

"You shouldn't have her hovering on the stairs. It's dangerous. She could fall and she's already hurt." Aaron quickly moved up the stairs, holding Emily's eyes in his as he slowly moved Reid back, taking his place and wrapping his arm around her back.

"He's fine, Hotch. I'm not made of glass." Her voice was clearly unhappy as she pulled away, moving closer to Spencer. Suddenly taking the full force of her weight, Emily whimpered and grabbed for the handrail as her legs wavered underneath her, giving out. Spencer's arms caught her from behind, one around her waist and the other catching underneath her upper thighs. Aaron's hands found her good elbow and the bend of her knee.

"Emily!" Rushing forward, JJ's hand cupped her friend's cheek, concern evident in every inch of her face, "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Emily spoke through gritted teeth, her eyes clenched shut. The pale woman didn't move and JJ could feel her shaking. The blonde made eye contact with Spencer and slowly, Spencer lowered her to the floor before extracting his hands. Aaron's hands didn't move.

"Hotch? I think maybe Emily needs a minute." Her hand delicately pulling Aaron's hand from Emily's elbow, JJ ushered her supervisor down the stairs, leaving Emily alone with Reid. The young genius said nothing, coming to sit beside the older woman. Slumping forward, Emily held her head in her hands, ignoring the pain in her protesting shoulder.

"It's uh... It's not uncommon for sudden physical contact, especially on that scale, to trigger a flashback in individuals coping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Typically it would trigger a fight or flight response, unless the sufferer had conditioned herself to reach internally, instead of externally." Pursing his lips, Spencer firmly pulled her bad arm from her face and pressed it back against her abdomen, where her sling was supposed to hold it.

"Spencer -" He cut her off before she could continue.

"Any traumatic event can manifest itself in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, though some common events tend to be rape, physical and emotional violence, and the loss of a loved one..." Timidly, Spencer reached for Emily's wrist, his long fingers wrapping around her thin body and tried moving it away from her face, "Sufferers often exhibit problems sleeping and nightmares when they do, uneasy and restless behaviors. They're often easily startled."

"Spencer, I don't-" Again, she was cut off.

"Emily, it's nothing secret that Doyle used physical and psychological torture to get what he wanted. You told me that you mourned the loss of not one, but six friends. Since you've been back, you haven't dated or even had a meaningless sexual interaction. I can assume from that -" It was Emily's turn to cut him off.

"Reid, stop! I do NOT have PTSD. Doyle did NOT torture me, either physically or psychologically. Doyle did NOT rape me. I had two bullets rip through me two days ago. I'm in physical pain. _That's it_." With that, she stood and walked down the rest of the stairs on her own, refusing to acknowledge the pain that threatened her consciousness, leaving Reid sitting alone on the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

She could feel his eyes on her as she leaned back against the cool leather of the couch. He'd been watching her all night. Looking up, she met his dark eyes briefly before he looked away, feigning interested in JJ's conversation with Morgan. They all sat in Emily's living room, with the exception of Rossi who was putting away the last of the dishes from dinner. He'd made them Bucatini all-Amatriciana, constantly remarking at Emily's lack of cooking utensils and ingredients. What could she say? She lived on takeout.

"Aaron?" Emily whispered his name, aware that the rest of her team was engaged in other conversation. His head snapped up immediately at the utterance of his name. Crossing the room in only a few steps, the older man knelt beside the brunette, his eyes searching her face. She could read the concern in his face and offered him a small smile of reassurance. She hadn't had a chance to speak to him about the other night, and she could tell he was uneasy.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" As she spoke, her eyes jumped between her team members, making sure she wasn't overheard. Her supervisor shook his head, still searching the brunette agent's face for any sign of grief.

"No, I think Reid's staying with you tonight. That's what was decided. I have an early appointment tomorrow so I'd have to leave you by 6. Is that okay? I could try to find someone to take over for me then if that would make you feel better?" He frowned, running a hand through his dark hair.

"No, that's fine." Smiling reassuringly, Emily suppressed a yawn.

"Why? Is everything okay? Are you hurting?" His concern was clear in his voice, his forehead creasing in confusion.

"Everything's fine. I'm just a little tired." Suppressing a yawn, Emily ran a hand through her silky black hair.

"I can still help you, Emily."

"No, it's alright. I think I'm just going to go upstairs and lie down... I don't want to disturb anyone." Carefully bracing herself against the arm of the couch with her good arm, Emily pushed herself up slowly. Aaron's hands found her hips and helped steady her as he eyed her uneasily. Looking up, Emily suddenly noticed her entire team had fallen silent and was staring at her and Hotch.

"H-hi?" Blushing, Emily pushed Hotch's hands away from where they lingered. Realizing he was being watched, Aaron backed away from Emily, returning to his previous perch.

"Where are you going?" Spencer spoke first, his voice quiet - careful.

"I uhm... I was going to go upstairs and lie down. I didn't want to disturb anyone." Emily forced herself to smile, still slightly irritated from earlier.

"It's getting late anyway. We should probably leave you to rest." JJ smiled and looked between the other adults in the room, all of whom nodded in agreement, looking around for their belongings.

"No, it's alright. I can stay down." Unable to suppress it, Emily yawned and wrapped her good arm around herself. Everyone laughed, but began to shrug their coats on.

"I'll see you soon, my raven-haired beauty. Feel better." Penelope came forward, wrapping her arms around Emily a little too tightly, causing the brunette's breathing to hitch.

"You gotta share her, babygirl." Seeing Emily's discomfort, Derek intervened, waiting for Garcia to let go before carefully wrapping one arm around his partner, "Be good, Princess."

"Take care, Bella." Taking her hand in his, Rossi squeezed her hand softly. Emily stepped forward, wrapping her good arm around the older man's neck:

"Grazie. Dal momento che siamo tutti abbracci, tu ed io potrebbe pure."

"I hate when you two do that." Whining, Garcia looped her arm through Morgan's and followed him to the door. With a laugh, David followed them out after giving Emily a final reassuring smile.

"I'll check on you tomorrow." Offering a rare smile, Hotch stroked her bicep gently before moving out the door.

JJ was the last to go, pulling her brunette friend into a warm hug:

"Go easy on him, Emily."

Emily nodded and stood awkwardly, watching her best friend go, closing the door behind her. She was highly aware of Spencer, standing a few feet away, staring at her. Without a word, the injured agent turned and slowly made her way to the stairs.

"E-Emily!" Running after her, Spencer caught her elbow. "JJ said not to let you walk up the stairs... It'll stress your injuries farther."

"Spencer..." She turned to face him and saw the determination on his face. She was too tired to argue. "Fine. Whatever."

She set her jaw and wrapped her good arm around Spencer's neck, letting the lanky man lift her off the ground and cradle her against his chest, one arm around her back and the other behind her knees. He was stronger than he looked, carrying her easily. But he didn't put her down at the top of the stairs. He carried her farther, into her bedroom and to her bed, where he let her rest against the mattress.

"Can I have some privacy? I need to change." Emily spoke quietly, her teeth biting at her bottom lip.

"Uh huh." And with that the young genius disappeared, shutting Emily's bedroom door behind her.

* * *

Emily sat on the edge of her bed in a pair of boxer shorts and a black sports bra. She'd managed to unwrap the bandage from her stomach, but she'd fumbled around for a few minutes, unable to clean the wound or rewrap it. She groaned, laying back on the bed.

"Spencer?" She yelled her caretaker's name, forcing herself to sit back up. This was degrading. She hated this. She heard his steps as he ran up the stairs before he opened the door to her bedroom. Seeing her without her usual level of clothing startled him, and she blushed when he stared at her pale body.

"Can you help me?" She cleared her throat and gestured to her uncovered injury.

"O-oh, uh... yeah." His blush amused her as he looked away and came to crouch in front of her. He pressed the damp rag around her injury carefully, looking up at her sadly.

"What?" Her tone was harsher than she'd meant for it to be and the man quickly looked away from her. Dammit. Sighing quietly, Emily tried again, her tone softer this time, "What're you thinking?"

"I'm trying to think of something to say to make you laugh. Typically laughter relieves anger." He paused his motions, looking up at the brunette, "I'm sorry for earlier."

"It's... it's alright, Spencer." Sighing, Emily laid her hand on the genius' shoulder and offered him a small smile, "You're a profiler. It's not the worst thing in the world that you profiled me. Just... it's never a good idea to try to diagnose someone with PTSD, Spencer."

"I know. I just..." He shook his head and carefully rewrapped her stomach before moving to sit beside his friend. He shook his head and slumped forward, holding it in his hands, "I want to be there for you but you never talk to me."

"Oh." Nodding slowly, Emily looked at the man beside her sadly.

"I wanted to be the one you confided in. But I was childish and moody. I made you work harder and gave you more to worry about." His voice sounded so small it broke Emily's heart.

"Spence..." Sighing, Emily made a decision she was sure she'd regret later, "You want to be the one I confide in?"

He nodded, looking up at her, confused.

"Then let's talk."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Trigger Warning. Mentions of sexual assault.**

* * *

Emily laid on her side, her good arm tucked beneath her head. Facing her was Spencer Reid who sat Indian-Style on her bed. She'd spent the last hour telling him about the frustration she'd faced in trying to repair her relationships since she'd been back. He'd wanted to talk about her "feelings," and that seemed the easiest for her to articulate. Volunteering personal information was far from her strong suit and it had damn near killed her trying to open up to the young genius. Quietly nodding his recognition, Spencer had remained silent, his bony fingers going to stroke her arm once, but, when her voice faltered, he'd retracted the hand.

"Can I ask you something? Uhm... about before you... 'died?'" He fidgeted with the hem of Emily's sheet, avoiding her eyes dark.

"Yes." She groaned inwardly but kept her face blank of any reaction. A sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she knew that this was going to be a lot more difficult for her to answer.

"What did he do to you?" He bit at his bottom lip, clearly nervous.

"Ian?" She knew who he meant, but she needed time to think. Should she tell him the truth? How much of the truth?

"Yes. While you were in there... what did he do to you?" She could hear the fear in his voice. Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"That's a very general question. He made me choose Faye to die. He knew it would hurt me, so he made me choose between him, Rossi, and Seaver. He kept me chained to a chair most of the time. He branded me. Waterboarded me. Beat me." Looking away, Emily fingered the injured skin on her chest where her brand disappeared beneath the bandage of her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Emily." Slowly, Spencer laid down facing her, watching her face for any sign of discomfort. She watched his movement carefully but made no move to stop him, "Can... Can I ask you one more question? You don't have to answer it, I guess. I just... I've been thinking about earlier and -"

"Just ask me, Spencer." Cutting him off, she added a small smile, realizing how harsh her tone had been.

"Well... earlier, I mean... you got very upset when I mentioned... it's just..." Spencer knew Emily was capable of red hot anger and that worried him. Her anger was something he knew she sometimes couldn't control, as he had evidenced earlier.

"Say it, Reid." Knowing exactly what he was trying to ask, Emily shook her hair out of her face and clenched her eyes shut, silently hoping he'd ask something else.

"You yelled at me earlier when I brought up the idea of you having PTSD, but you weren't yelling at me for accusing you. You were yelling at me for knowing and verbally acknowledging what he'd done to you." Spencer was profiling and they both knew it, but he continued anyway, "Ju-Just now, you validated everything I said earlier. Except for... you didn't... E-Emily, did he... did he rape you...?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Emily's face fell and she looked away, picking at her fingernails absentmindedly. Timidly, Spencer covered her hands with his own, stilling her. Emily didn't want to answer him. She knew he was profiling her and that he'd already figured out the answer, but she didn't want to answer him. She'd told him she would confide in him, though. She was many things, but she'd told herself she was done lying to her family.

"Repeatedly." Her heart pounded against her rib cage as she wrapped her arms around around herself, ignoring the protest of her shoulder.

His face fell as she spoke, anger spreading across his face. His long bony fingers clenched, curling into a fist that he slammed against the bed. Adrenaline flooding her veins, Emily scrambled backwards, her brown eyes wide. The young man paced the length of Emily's room, mumbling quickly to himself under his breath. Her hand pressed tightly against her stomach wound, Emily scrambled to her feet, the exploding pain in her stomach bringing tears to her eyes.

"It's not fair! Why?! Why'd he have to go and do that?!" Turning on the older woman, Spencer screamed at her, fury covering every inch of his face. He crossed the room to her quickly, coming to stand dangerously close to her. She read the white anger on his face, but inches beneath that, she saw something else. A different emotion entirely. She saw fear and pain.

"Spencer... I.. Spencer, stop." Backing the few inches she had between her and the wall, Emily bit back tears and struggled to draw herself up to her full height. Spencer stopped, registering the naked fear on the brunette's face. Shaking his head, he backed away from her, his own face coming to mirror the fear he saw in Emily's.

"E-Emily I... I'm so... I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. Please don't cry... Please." Frowning, he raised his hand to cradle her cheek, but quickly retracted his hand when she flinched away. For a few minutes, they were both silent, neither of them moving. His eyes searched her face for something, anything, to say.

"Y-You uh, you should sit down."Noticing her hand still clamped tightly against her stomach, Spencer approached her slowly, one of his hands gently ghosting against her good bicep before using her good shoulder to bring her forward. His other hand found her waist.

"What just happened?" Turning her wide brown eyes on Spencer, she tried to steady her breath as she searched the young man's face.

"I... I don't know. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry." Closing his eyes, he saw the look on her face when he'd initially reacted and it tore at his heart. He'd worked with her for almost 8 years and he'd never seen her that scared or vulnerable. Her normally confident face had turned into one marred by fear. "It's just that... I knew he had. It's written in your body language and your behaviors, but... I just hoped that... I just really wanted to be wrong. I needed to be wrong. I'm so sorry, Emily."

Emily didn't speak.

* * *

 ** _A/N: Sorry for taking so long! Life has been super hectic. If you're enjoying this fic, please drop me a review! :)_**


	9. Chapter 9

Spencer's cold bony fingers brushed against Emily's bare shoulder, causing her to shiver.

"Emily… please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, silently pleading for her to look at him. Keeping her eyes on her lap, Emily shook her head.

"I don't understand, Spencer. What's going on with you?" Struggling to keep her voice from breaking, Emily laid back against the bed carefully, bringing her knees as far up as she could without hurting herself. Her eyes followed a seam on the comforter beneath her.

"After... after that time in the compound... I swore I wouldn't let you get hurt again. The minute I saw you, in the chapel, after Cyrus had hurt you... I-I told myself I would protect you and I failed you. I let you walk right into Doyle's arms! He hurt you in every way possible. There's nothing he didn't do to you, Emily! He victimized you in every way he possibly could have! I should've figured out what was going on sooner. I'm so sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry." His voice broke, tears spilling down his face. Too hurt to be embarrassed, Spencer timidly reached for the brunette, his hand covering hers where she rested it on her hip.

"Spencer… Please don't…" Signing, she reached for the shaking man and urged him down beside her, her brown eyes searching his face. Why was he crying? She'd been the one to endure it and she wasn't crying. It didn't make sense to her.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I should be supporting you. I guess this is why you never talked to me about anything. I-I'm sorry." He sniffled, moving onto his back and timidly watching her, "This… can I ask you for something stupid? You're going to laugh at me."

"You don't have to ask me if you can ask me anything." Offering a small smile, Emily eased herself up onto her good elbow. Spencer's hands ghosted over her uneasily, helping her balance on her elbow.

"Can, uhm… would it be alright… f-for me to hold you?" The request was out of character for him and she couldn't understand it, but the thinly veiled sadness on his face convinced her not to question it. She hated seeing Spencer unhappy and she'd do almost anything to prevent it. Her teeth scraping across her bottom lip, Emily nodded.

"Thanks… I-I know this is probably weird, but… I don't know. Timidly opening his arms for her, Spencer watched as the pale brunette lowered herself onto her side and pressed her body against his side. His arm wrapped tightly around her, securing her there, while his hand brushed soothing patterns on her bare bicep. He looked down at the muscular woman against him and swallowed hard. She was safe now. He would protect her. She was in his arms and no one would hurt her. Two nights in a row she'd been in this position, but this was more comfortable, caused less panic. She didn't understand why she was here, in this position, but if it soothed the younger man, she wouldn't object.

"Spencer…" After a few drawn out moments of silence, Emily finally broke the silence. "You can't blame yourself. What Ian did to me was not your fault. It was my choice, and I would do it again. We were in that compound seven years ago. You can't still blame yourself for that either." Smiling sadly, the pale woman wrapped her good arm around the genius' torso and tried to relax against him.

"I know." He was quiet, his hazel eyes watching the ceiling, clearly distracted.

"What are you thinking?" She fingered the soft fabric of his t-shirt absentmindedly. Being this close to him felt weird, but it wasn't necessarily unpleasant. Having slept similarly with Hotch 24 hours before gave her a weird feeling she couldn't quite label. But she hadn't meant to lay with Hotch. This was a conscious decision and it made Spencer feel better. She could stay here for a while… If he'd been determined to protect her, she could see how this could comfort him. The two were silent for a while, his hand stroking a path along her spine softly. Her presence comforted him.

"There's something I need to ask you." His quiet voice broke through her thoughts.

Her pulse quickened at the prospect of another questions, but she nodded quietly.

"I... this is really... I don't know. Do you think... would you maybe... could I take you to dinner...? Once you're feeling better, I mean."

Emily couldn't stop the amused snort that followed his question:

"What? Did you just ask to take me on a date? Where the hell did that come from?" Giggling, Emily propped herself up on her good elbow and looked at the boy's face, her amusement written all over her face. Seeing his angry expression, Emily stopped. He pulled his arm out from around her and stood, moving towards the door:

"Forget I mentioned anything."

"Spencer! Reid, stop." Frowning, Emily forced herself to her feet and tried to follow him, faltering on her second step. Her shoulder and abdomen throbbed angrily, taking her breath and halting her. Tears bit at her eyes and she struggled to swallow them. Hearing her gasp for breath, Spencer begrudgingly stopped and moved back towards her.

"You shouldn't have gotten up." His tone was cold as one of his arms slid around her lower back, taking some of her weight and helping her back to bed. She let her body sag against him, the pain lessening as he took more of her weight.

"I needed you to come back..." Blushing, Emily paused by the edge of the bed and looked up at the younger man's drawn face. He looked above her head, eyes focusing on some random object behind her. Glancing down at her briefly, he saw the confusion and concern in her face. Teeth raking across her bottom lip, Emily's cold fingertips timidly ghosted against his neck. "Spencer... please talk to me. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Just get back in bed, Emily." His voice was tired as he spoke, still refusing to look at her.

"Talk to me. Please..." Sighing, Emily moved back into bed, resuming her previous position and timidly patting the bed beside her.

"There's nothing to talk about." He perched on the edge of her bed.

"You asked me on a date, Reid. That's something to talk about..."

"You made your thoughts on that very clear."

"It caught me off guard, Spencer. I thought you were trying to make a joke." Sighing, Emily ran her good hand through her silky black hair tiredly. It was late, but she had to finish this conversation."I just... you can't just throw that out there. Where did that even come from?"

"Honestly?" Turning his dark eyes on the pale woman, Spencer shook his head. She saw an emotion she couldn't label in his eyes and it worried her. "I've been thinking about it for a while. And... and every time I hear that something bad has happened to you... it hurts me. A-and I just want to protect you and... and I don't know. When you said he'd... I don't know. I just wanted... I didn't want anyone to touch you that way."

"There's a difference between being protective and being attracted to someone, Spencer..." Feeling her cheeks warm with blush, Emily shook her head and looked down, smoothing the wrinkles out of her blanket, avoiding his eyes.

"I know." Pausing, Spencer moved closer to the brunette woman in front of him. "It's more than just being protective. Being protective equates to not wanting anyone to force themselves on you that way. But... it goes past that. It's not wanting anyone to touch you that way. It's... It's wanting to be the only person to touch you that way."

At the mention of Spencer touching her, Emily's heart skipped in her chest and she felt her blush spreading across her neck and the rest of her face. She'd known him for nearly ten years and Spencer Reid had never been this forward with anything, especially his personal feelings.

"You're... you want to...?" She forced herself to meet the younger man's eyes, picking at her nails absentmindedly. She was speechless for one of the first times in her life.

"Not currently, if that's what you're worried about. I don't know, Emily. Sometimes." Long bony fingers wrapping around hers, he stilled her shaking hands.

"Where's all of this coming from, Spencer...?" Slowly and carefully, Emily urged Spencer down beside her.

"I'm just tired of feeling this way. I've sat on this feeling for months and I hate it. I know you don't feel the same way about me, but I was going to keep fighting myself on it until I asked you."

Nodding slowly, Emily resumed her previous position, her head on his shoulder and her arm around his abdomen. Frowning in confusion, Spencer replaced his arm around the muscular woman, squeezing her bicep gently. Her silence worried him.

"Emily, I-"

"Okay." She cut him off.

"Okay?"

"I'll go to dinner with you."

"You don't have to, Emily." Blushing, Spencer brushed a piece of silky black hair off of the pale woman's forehead.

"I want to." Looking up at the younger man, Emily yawned before continuing, "I don't know, Spencer. I've never looked at you that way. But I could give it a try. I can't promise anything."

"If you want to, I won't disagree with you." Spencer eased the sheet out from underneath Emily and pulled it over her, tucking it around her.

"I just wonder... I normally don't..." Emily took a breath before continuing, choosing her words, "I haven't been able to be this close to anyone without freaking out since everything that happened with Ian. It makes me wonder. I'm curious."

Spencer offered a small smile when Emily struggled to stifle another yawn:

"We can talk about this tomorrow. You need to sleep."

Nodding sleepily, Emily relaxed against Spencer and let her eyes close. He reached behind him and turned off the lamp before laying his other hand over hers where it rested on his stomach.

"Goodnight, Spencer." Her voice was only just audible and he could hear the sleepiness in her voice.

"Goodnight, Emily."

* * *

 **A/N: This may be a bit of a stretch, but please bear with me. Don't forget to like, follow, and review! I continue this story solely based on reviews.**


	10. Chapter 9

Spencer's cold bony fingers brushed against Emily's bare shoulder, causing her to shiver.

"Emily… please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, silently pleading for her to look at him. Keeping her eyes on her lap, Emily shook her head.

"I don't understand, Spencer. What's going on with you?" Struggling to keep her voice from breaking, Emily laid back against the bed carefully, bringing her knees as far up as she could without hurting herself. Her eyes followed a seam on the comforter beneath her.

"After... after that time in the compound... I swore I wouldn't let you get hurt again. The minute I saw you, in the chapel, after Cyrus had hurt you... I-I told myself I would protect you and I failed you. I let you walk right into Doyle's arms! He hurt you in every way possible. There's nothing he didn't do to you, Emily! He victimized you in every way he possibly could have! I should've figured out what was going on sooner. I'm so sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry." His voice broke, tears spilling down his face. Too hurt to be embarrassed, Spencer timidly reached for the brunette, his hand covering hers where she rested it on her hip.

"Spencer… Please don't…" Signing, she reached for the shaking man and urged him down beside her, her brown eyes searching his face. Why was he crying? She'd been the one to endure it and she wasn't crying. It didn't make sense to her.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I should be supporting you. I guess this is why you never talked to me about anything. I-I'm sorry." He sniffled, moving onto his back and timidly watching her, "This… can I ask you for something stupid? You're going to laugh at me."

"You don't have to ask me if you can ask me anything." Offering a small smile, Emily eased herself up onto her good elbow. Spencer's hands ghosted over her uneasily, helping her balance on her elbow.

"Can, uhm… would it be alright… f-for me to hold you?" The request was out of character for him and she couldn't understand it, but the thinly veiled sadness on his face convinced her not to question it. She hated seeing Spencer unhappy and she'd do almost anything to prevent it. Her teeth scraping across her bottom lip, Emily nodded.

"Thanks… I-I know this is probably weird, but… I don't know. Timidly opening his arms for her, Spencer watched as the pale brunette lowered herself onto her side and pressed her body against his side. His arm wrapped tightly around her, securing her there, while his hand brushed soothing patterns on her bare bicep. He looked down at the muscular woman against him and swallowed hard. She was safe now. He would protect her. She was in his arms and no one would hurt her. Two nights in a row she'd been in this position, but this was more comfortable, caused less panic. She didn't understand why she was here, in this position, but if it soothed the younger man, she wouldn't object.

"Spencer…" After a few drawn out moments of silence, Emily finally broke the silence. "You can't blame yourself. What Ian did to me was not your fault. It was my choice, and I would do it again. We were in that compound seven years ago. You can't still blame yourself for that either." Smiling sadly, the pale woman wrapped her good arm around the genius' torso and tried to relax against him.

"I know." He was quiet, his hazel eyes watching the ceiling, clearly distracted.

"What are you thinking?" She fingered the soft fabric of his t-shirt absentmindedly. Being this close to him felt weird, but it wasn't necessarily unpleasant. Having slept similarly with Hotch 24 hours before gave her a weird feeling she couldn't quite label. But she hadn't meant to lay with Hotch. This was a conscious decision and it made Spencer feel better. She could stay here for a while… If he'd been determined to protect her, she could see how this could comfort him. The two were silent for a while, his hand stroking a path along her spine softly. Her presence comforted him.

"There's something I need to ask you." His quiet voice broke through her thoughts.

Her pulse quickened at the prospect of another questions, but she nodded quietly.

"I... this is really... I don't know. Do you think... would you maybe... could I take you to dinner...? Once you're feeling better, I mean."

Emily couldn't stop the amused snort that followed his question:

"What? Did you just ask to take me on a date? Where the hell did that come from?" Giggling, Emily propped herself up on her good elbow and looked at the boy's face, her amusement written all over her face. Seeing his angry expression, Emily stopped. He pulled his arm out from around her and stood, moving towards the door:

"Forget I mentioned anything."

"Spencer! Reid, stop." Frowning, Emily forced herself to her feet and tried to follow him, faltering on her second step. Her shoulder and abdomen throbbed angrily, taking her breath and halting her. Tears bit at her eyes and she struggled to swallow them. Hearing her gasp for breath, Spencer begrudgingly stopped and moved back towards her.

"You shouldn't have gotten up." His tone was cold as one of his arms slid around her lower back, taking some of her weight and helping her back to bed. She let her body sag against him, the pain lessening as he took more of her weight.

"I needed you to come back..." Blushing, Emily paused by the edge of the bed and looked up at the younger man's drawn face. He looked above her head, eyes focusing on some random object behind her. Glancing down at her briefly, he saw the confusion and concern in her face. Teeth raking across her bottom lip, Emily's cold fingertips timidly ghosted against his neck. "Spencer... please talk to me. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Just get back in bed, Emily." His voice was tired as he spoke, still refusing to look at her.

"Talk to me. Please..." Sighing, Emily moved back into bed, resuming her previous position and timidly patting the bed beside her.

"There's nothing to talk about." He perched on the edge of her bed.

"You asked me on a date, Reid. That's something to talk about..."

"You made your thoughts on that very clear."

"It caught me off guard, Spencer. I thought you were trying to make a joke." Sighing, Emily ran her good hand through her silky black hair tiredly. It was late, but she had to finish this conversation."I just... you can't just throw that out there. Where did that even come from?"

"Honestly?" Turning his dark eyes on the pale woman, Spencer shook his head. She saw an emotion she couldn't label in his eyes and it worried her. "I've been thinking about it for a while. And... and every time I hear that something bad has happened to you... it hurts me. A-and I just want to protect you and... and I don't know. When you said he'd... I don't know. I just wanted... I didn't want anyone to touch you that way."

"There's a difference between being protective and being attracted to someone, Spencer..." Feeling her cheeks warm with blush, Emily shook her head and looked down, smoothing the wrinkles out of her blanket, avoiding his eyes.

"I know." Pausing, Spencer moved closer to the brunette woman in front of him. "It's more than just being protective. Being protective equates to not wanting anyone to force themselves on you that way. But... it goes past that. It's not wanting anyone to touch you that way. It's... It's wanting to be the only person to touch you that way."

At the mention of Spencer touching her, Emily's heart skipped in her chest and she felt her blush spreading across her neck and the rest of her face. She'd known him for nearly ten years and Spencer Reid had never been this forward with anything, especially his personal feelings.

"You're... you want to...?" She forced herself to meet the younger man's eyes, picking at her nails absentmindedly. She was speechless for one of the first times in her life.

"Not currently, if that's what you're worried about. I don't know, Emily. Sometimes." Long bony fingers wrapping around hers, he stilled her shaking hands.

"Where's all of this coming from, Spencer...?" Slowly and carefully, Emily urged Spencer down beside her.

"I'm just tired of feeling this way. I've sat on this feeling for months and I hate it. I know you don't feel the same way about me, but I was going to keep fighting myself on it until I asked you."

Nodding slowly, Emily resumed her previous position, her head on his shoulder and her arm around his abdomen. Frowning in confusion, Spencer replaced his arm around the muscular woman, squeezing her bicep gently. Her silence worried him.

"Emily, I-"

"Okay." She cut him off.

"Okay?"

"I'll go to dinner with you."

"You don't have to, Emily." Blushing, Spencer brushed a piece of silky black hair off of the pale woman's forehead.

"I want to." Looking up at the younger man, Emily yawned before continuing, "I don't know, Spencer. I've never looked at you that way. But I could give it a try. I can't promise anything."

"If you want to, I won't disagree with you." Spencer eased the sheet out from underneath Emily and pulled it over her, tucking it around her.

"I just wonder... I normally don't..." Emily took a breath before continuing, choosing her words, "I haven't been able to be this close to anyone without freaking out since everything that happened with Ian. It makes me wonder. I'm curious."

Spencer offered a small smile when Emily struggled to stifle another yawn:

"We can talk about this tomorrow. You need to sleep."

Nodding sleepily, Emily relaxed against Spencer and let her eyes close. He reached behind him and turned off the lamp before laying his other hand over hers where it rested on his stomach.

"Goodnight, Spencer." Her voice was only just audible and he could hear the sleepiness in her voice.

"Goodnight, Emily."

* * *

 **A/N: This may be a bit of a stretch, but please bear with me. Don't forget to like, follow, and review! I continue this story solely based on reviews.**


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